I Am a Man Who Lives by Agreement and Understanding

Two worlds: different agreements/different understandings.

In a traditional monogamous commitment, we agree to only be intimate with the other. Because we agree to not see anyone else, we expect our partner to do the same. To break the agreement would be unfair and cause suffering because (as in all normal committed relations) we become attached to our partner, attached to them being faithful. We feel possessive (in other words: exclusive), attached love. If we have an agreement I will put my trust into the pact and uphold my word.

If we agree to love each other without making a traditional commitment, then I can just love my partner, and cultivate feelings of true (non-possessive, non-attached) love. Her dating others arouses no jealousy because I can do the same, and I want her to be happy. We’ve agreed we can date others freely, love freely, with openness and honesty, and thus, there is no bond to break. No drama. No hurt feelings. Our agreement is different, and thus, my approach and understanding towards the relationship is different. I can cultivate the spirit of true love – spiritual love – inside myself, which nurtures an understanding that allows me to see arguably the same event (her romance with another) with love and compassion, rather than betrayal and loss.

July 2006

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